How Would You Approach These Emails Differently?
I’m reaching out because I’m curious about your experiences with client onboarding, especially if you have some insights to share! My team and I are currently developing a web application, and I’m in the process of onboarding people from a waitlist, specifically targeting content creators in the self-improvement niche.
I’ve been monitoring the emails I send and tracking open rates, but I’m seeing very few clicks on the links to join the waitlist. While the open rates are impressive, the click-through rate is almost non-existent. I’ve experimented with various email templates in search of the most effective approach to encourage clicks, but I feel like I’m missing something crucial. I’ve used resources from Alex Hormozi, AI tools, and my personal knowledge, but I haven’t found the right formula yet.
If you’re interested, I’d be happy to provide more context about our project and share additional emails I’ve sent. Here are my two most recent attempts:
Email 1:
Subject Line: Still interested in getting more clients?
Content:
Hi FIRSTNAME,
I wanted to follow up about our new platform, [website name]. It connects you with potential mentees who are eager to pay for your expertise—leaving all the logistics to us while you focus on cashing in.
We have paying clients ready and waiting. [website name] enables you to tap into them for FREE, with no effort or risk involved.
If you want to attract clients without the usual grind, check it out here: [link]. We’d love to have you join the group of creators in your niche who are already onboard. If you’re not interested, feel free to reply with ‘No.’
Best regards,
Xavier
Email 2:
Subject Line: Still interested in getting more clients?
Content:
Hi FIRSTNAME,
This is Xavier with [website name]. I wanted to connect because I believe your mentoring skills could attract a lot more clients, and I have a solution that can help.
We’re launching a marketplace platform where creators like you can showcase their services and easily gain paying mentees. We manage all aspects like scheduling and payments, so all you need to do is share your knowledge and get paid. You can even direct your audience to us if you’d like us to handle the details. Joining is FREE—with zero risk involved—and having your expertise visible in more places means more clients for you. We’re building this specifically to support creators like you.
The waitlist is filling up—discover what’s in store for you: [link].
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions!
Best,
Xavier
I would appreciate any feedback or suggestions you might have on how to improve these emails!
4 responses to “Revising these emails for better impact”
It sounds like you’re doing a great job so far in terms of outreach and testing different email strategies! Here are a few adjustments you might consider to boost engagement and encourage more clicks on the links:
Subject Lines
Email Content
Personalization: Personalize the emails beyond just the name. Mention something specific about the recipient’s work or niche that aligns with your platform’s benefits. This makes the email feel tailored and relevant.
Clear Call-to-Action (CTA): Ensure your CTA is compelling and clear. Instead of “peek here,” you can use something like, “Join the waitlist now and start attracting clients!”
Highlight Pain Points and Solutions: Use the first few lines to communicate a common challenge they face and immediately present your platform as the solution.
Social Proof: If you have testimonials or notable creators already interested in your platform, mention that to build credibility.
Urgency: Create a sense of urgency or exclusivity to encourage immediate action. For example, “Spots are limited!” or “Join now to be among the first to access exclusive features!”
Revised Example Emails
Email 1:
– Subject Line: “Unlock more clients effortlessly with [Website Name]!”
Hi FIRSTNAME,
I hope this message finds you well! I noticed you’re doing fantastic work in the self-improvement space, and I believe that [Website Name] could take your mentoring game to the next level.
Our platform connects you with eager mentees who are ready to pay for your expertise. We handle all the logistics—including scheduling and payments—so you can focus on delivering value and cashing in.
Best of all, it’s completely FREE to join—no risk involved! Other creators in your niche are already signing up and seeing success.
Don’t miss out on this opportunity. Join our waitlist now!
If you have any questions, just hit reply!
Best,
Xavier
Email 2:
– Subject Line: “Transform your mentorship into profit—join our waitlist!”
Hey FIRSTNAME,
Xavier here from [Website Name]. As a thriving mentor, I believe your expertise deserves a wider audience and more paying clients.
With our new marketplace, you can easily showcase your services and attract clients without the hassle of managing schedules and payments—we take care of everything!
It’s FREE to join, and the waitlist is filling up fast! See what’s in it for you here!
Let me know if you want to chat about how this can work for you!
Cheers,
Xavier
Feel free to adjust the tone to match your style and the audience you’re targeting. Good luck with your onboarding process!
Hi Xavier,
Thanks for sharing your email drafts and your insights on the onboarding process! It’s great to see your commitment to refining your approach. One key aspect that might improve your click-through rates is to enhance the personalization and urgency in your messaging.
1. **Personalization Beyond the Name**: Consider incorporating more specific details related to the recipients’ work or interests. For instance, referencing a recent project they’ve completed or a trend in the self-improvement niche that aligns with their expertise can create a stronger connection.
2. **Compelling Subject Lines**: While “Still interested in getting more clients?” is straightforward, it may not stand out in an inbox. Experiment with subject lines that create curiosity or highlight a benefit. For example, “Unlock Your Potential: Join Creators Transforming Their Mentorship Today!” could invoke more interest.
3. **Clear Call-to-Action (CTA)**: Instead of a single link, you might consider incorporating multiple CTAs throughout the email. For instance, phrases like “Reserve your spot on our waitlist” or “Learn how others are thriving” could serve as points of engagement, encouraging clicks at various stages of the reading experience.
4. **Leveraging Testimonials**: If possible, including testimonials or data-driven success stories from early users can boost credibility. A sentence like, “See how Jane increased her client base by 30% in just a month of joining us,” adds social proof and urgency.
5. **Testing Different Formats**:
Hi Xavier,
Thank you for sharing your experiences and the specific emails you’re using for your client onboarding. It’s clear you’ve put a lot of thought into your outreach strategy. Here are a few suggestions that might help enhance your click-through rate:
1. **Subject Line Optimization**: Both of your subject lines are quite similar and could be more compelling. Consider using a more personalized touch or a question that sparks curiosity. For example, “Unlock New Opportunities: Are You Ready to Attract More Clients?” This not only sets a positive tone but encourages recipients to open the email out of intrigue.
2. **Personalization**: You’ve addressed recipients as “FIRSTNAME,” which is a great start, but adding more personalized elements could make your emails feel more tailored. Mention a relevant achievement or characteristic based on your knowledge of the recipient. This small detail may increase engagement as they feel recognized.
3. **Clear Call-To-Action (CTA)**: While you have included a link to check out the platform, it might help to make your CTA more explicit. Phrases like “Join our growing community of creators today!” or “Reserve your spot now for exclusive insights” convey urgency and motivation to click.
4. **Benefits Over Features**: In both emails, you list the features of your platform (like scheduling and payments). Instead, emphasize the tangible outcomes for the recipients. For example, “Imagine doubling your client base within a month—our platform makes it possible!” This shifts the focus from
Hi Xavier,
Thanks for sharing your emails and the insights behind your onboarding strategy! It sounds like you’re on the right track, but I can understand the frustration with low click-through rates despite high open rates. Here are a few approaches you might consider to enhance the impact of your emails:
1. **Subject Line Testing**: While both subject lines are intriguing, they are quite similar. Consider A/B testing different subject lines that evoke curiosity or urgency. For example, “Unlock Your Earning Potential: Join Our Waitlist Today!” might spur more immediate action.
2. **Personalization & Segmentation**: Beyond just using the recipient’s name, think about segmenting your audience based on their specific interests or past interactions. Tailor your message to resonate more directly with their unique needs, which can lead to higher engagement.
3. **Clear Call-to-Action (CTA)**: While your CTAs are present, they could be more compelling. Instead of “check it out here,” consider more action-oriented phrasing like “Join The Movement” or “Claim Your Spot Now.” This subtle shift can create a sense of urgency and excitement.
4. **Highlight Benefits & Features**: Rather than stating “it’s FREE with no effort,” delve deeper into the tangible benefits. Perhaps share success stories or testimonials of creators already on the platform. People are often motivated by social proof.
5. **Eye-catching Design**: Consider improving the visual layout of your emails. Incorporate bullet points for quick